Stop Playin’ The Retirin’ Game!

This message is meant for all the celebrities and musicians out there (most notably right now, Justin Bieber). STOP PLAYIN’ WITH OUR EMOTIONS!! Y’all keep doin’ this whole retirin’, unretirin’, re-retirin’, and re-unretirin’ game so much that we’re just gettin’ tired with it! If you’re gonna retire, then retire! Ain’t nobody got time for this retirin’ square dance y’all keep playin’! Let’s be real right now. We know Justin Bieber ain’t goin’ nowhere, so why’s everyone freakin’ out?

We done played this game with so many celebrities! Jay-Z, Garth Brooks, David Bowie, that 50 Cents guy…..and they all faked us out. It’s amazin’ how we all keep fallin’ for it every time. If you think about it though, it’s a clever way to get more publicity for yourself and your brand. I told myself my days of starrin’ in reality shows would be over after Amazing Survival Bachelorette Millionaire, but I had no clue that tryin’ to find my identical cousin would land me on another show! Well, it’s a documentary, but y’all know what i mean! So. my form of retirin’ and then unretirin’ came by accident! I don’t count!

Focusin’ back on the other celebrities, I can see how the pressure from the media and the fans can push’em into retirement (You ain’t the first person to have promiscuous romps through Brazil, Bieber) but even I knew the burden that stardom can bring ain’t an easy one to have. As a devouted Belieber, I need Justin to snap outta this funk, so I can start hummin’ some more songs besides “Baby” and ‘Boyfriend.” They’re just too darn catchy!