It’s that time of year again, where teenagers and adults with the brain capacity of teenagers start freaking out over the stupid MTV Video Music Awards. Bleh. Ugh. Vomit. Stop it. Go to bed.

Here are, in no particular order, the ten things that I hate MOST about the award show. There are far more than ten things, so narrowing it down was quite a challenge.

1) Annoying Hosts

What’s worse? When MTV picks a host for no other reason than corporate obligation to promote whatever garbage that person has just crapped out into the world (Jack Black), or when they force some entertainer upon us who we don’t even like, but have to deal with because MTV is trying to pretend they are “hip” and “relevant” (Russell Brand. TWICE)?

Luckily there is no host for this year’s event. OH NO, BUT WHO WILL TELL BAD JOKES FOR THE FIRST TEN MINUTES?


Chelsea Handler doing whatever that is. 


This should just be called the “MTV Ass-Kiss Of The Year” award instead. In 2008, Britney Spears won. That video was TERRIBLE. It won because the year before MTV showed just how ruthless they are by exploiting a mentally, emotionally, and physically unstable Spears in the biggest train wreck of a performance in history. So of course, in 2008, when pop culture has decided they are done hating Britney Spears and want to see her get better, MTV gets on the bandwagon by giving her VIDEO OF THE YEAR FOR A VIDEO SHE WAS BARELY IN. WHAT MAKES THIS VIDEO SPECIAL? Watch this video, and tell me what makes it special.


Kanye interrupting Taylor Swift. Britney kissing Madonna. Eminem getting mad at a sock puppet. I already have a headache thinking of listening to Idol and Rayna squeal about what obviously pre-planned “shocking” moment happened this year.

2009 MTV Video Music Awards - Show




If you have a career as a singer and a dancer, and you can’t do both, then how the HELL do you have a career as a singer and a dancer? Even worse, if you’re not dancing and you’re STILL not singing? Why is this allowed? THIS IS THEIR JOB. THIS IS WHAT THEY ARE PAID MILLIONS OF DOLLARS TO DO. Don’t give me this “I sang to a back-up track” baloney. When you show up to sing an award show, maybe you should, I dunno…SING AT THE AWARD SHOW?


Now, I hate Pink’s music and refuse to spell her name with a punctuation, but at least she knows how to perform. A few years ago the chick sang LIVE while doing ACROBATICS. Shame on every other pop star who thinks just looking pretty and shaking their ass is enough.

5) Stupid Award Categories

Best video with a social message? Give me a break. At least last year’s “most sharable video” isn’t back. And what’s the message of Beyonce’s “I Was Here” video? That Beyonce does a lot of stuff? Great. Good for you. Bye.

What do you hate most about the VMA’s? Sound off below!

Or, I guess you can comment on what you DO like. Ugh. If you must.