I Review Smurfs 2: By Scene

I have  a LOT of complaints about Smurfs 2, you guys!

No. I didn’t see Smurfs 2, but I don’t need to see it to know that I HATE IT.

My first problem? WHY WAS THIS MADE? WHO WANTED IT? WHO WANTS ANY SMURFS?! They are gross and tiny and blue and shirtless and all have to dress the same and it’s conformist and wrong!


Ew. Just ew!

On top of that, they are CREEEEEPY! At least twice a week I have nightmares of Smurfs crawling around under my bed, or even worse! Crawling under the covers! Or lurking in my closet! Creepy tiny nasty things.

If it weren’t bad enough that Smurfs were a thing, in these stupid movies they aren’t even confined to Smurf Village! They are out in the real world! UGH! TERRIBLE! MY WORST FEAR COME TO LIFE! Ack ack acccckkk.

I never saw the first Smurfs movie either because WHY WOULD ANYONE DO THAT TO THEMSELVES!? But I find this sequel to be even MORRRE offensive than the first one, for one reason and one reason only.

And her name is Vexy.


THAT’S ME! They made a Smurf of me!! I have been copied and violated!! And it is NOT RIGHT!

Technically, she’s not a Smurf, she’s a “naughty” but it’s the SAME THING! That adorable skirt! Streaks in the hair!  What kind of conspiracy IS THIS?

This is obviously some sort of conspiracy against me! I suspect that the people behind the Smurfs movie, or maybe even the Smurfs themselves, have seen my tweets and Facebook posts and appearances on The Mosh where I talk about how terrible the Smurfs are. This is there way of showing me that they know what I’ve been saying! And they mean war! But I will not back down! Smurfs are horrible and terrifying and this Vexy character is a total ripoff of me! Scene! You see?

I am currently looking into a lawsuit, because Smurfs 2 has stolen my likeness! Why couldn’t the rip off my look for something good like Despicable Me or Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed?


Maybe this lady can be my lawyer.

So it is in my expert opinion that you should NOT see Smurfs 2, by any means! Avoid it at all costs! Stay in! Watch cat videos on YouTube or Toy Story 3 on DVD or ANY OTHER THING! Maybe even old episodes of MyMusic! But do NOT go see Smurfs 2! If you do, for some CRAZY reason, go see it, tell us what you think in the comments!